


The Great Apartment 4D Valentine's Day Party Hop

by cecilia095



Series: The Gang Goes On a Party Hop [3]
Category: New Girl
Genre: All The Works, Another P. Genz Party, F/M, Gen, Multi, Nadia's Stripper Pole, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 07:36:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5997082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecilia095/pseuds/cecilia095
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I'm protesting Valentine's Day this year. Just... skipping it. Wake me up on February 15th, am I right?"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Apartment 4D Valentine's Day Party Hop

**Author's Note:**

> Of course I had to continue this. Happy Valentine's Day to all of my lovely readers!
> 
> (If you don't get the last part -- It's from Schmidt's Life Plan for Nick in 5x05 and it's all I've been thinking about lately because DUH, obviously it's Jess.)

VALENTINE'S DAY, 10:01 AM, THE LOFT

Winston makes crêpes with little pink and red sprinkles on top, and he holds the pan out and says, "Right?  _Right_?"

"Ew," Jess responds, opening the fridge and grabbing out almond milk and  _not_ taking one of Winston's crêpes because -- "I'm protesting Valentine's Day this year. Just... skipping it. Wake me up on February 15th, am I right?"

Schmidt wags a finger at her, because he loves Valentine's Day and he's in love and he eats three pink and red sprinkled crêpes. "You  _have_ to come to the parties with us, Jess," he says, taking the fork in his hand and using it to point at her. "Rumor has it Nadia's going to have a stripper pole at hers."

"I have to stay in bed and knit this... This thing I've been working on," she lies.

"You most certainly have  _not_ been working on any new knitting projects. I checked your box."

"Schmidt! Stop going through my Knitting Box. That's so annoying."

Just then, Nick walks out of his room like a hot-mess-and-a-half, his hair ruffled and his -- "Nicholas, is your shirt on backwards?", Schmidt asks, narrowing his eyes in confusion. 

"It most certainly is, my friend," Nick says, walking over to Schmidt and draping an arm around his shoulder. "I was up all night crafting a plan."

"That doesn't explain the shirt," Schmidt says, narrowing his eyes. "What. About. The. Shirt. You've been dressing yourself so much better, lately, Nick. Don't screw it up."

"The shirt is just me not being a functioning adult. Blah, blah, blah,  _whatever_." Nick looks at the stove and sniffs the air, and then he goes, "Are those crêpes? Valentine's Day themed crêpes?"

Winston slowly says, "Y...eah."

"Great! Fantastic! Happy Valentine's Day, my beautiful friends!"

Jess slams her head down on the kitchen counter and grunts. "He's joking, right?"

—

VALENTINE'S DAY, 2:32 PM, THE BAR

Winston's drunk by 2:30. No, like, "I'm-Gonna-Die-Alone-Here's-To-That-Pour-Me-Another-Glass-Of-That-Fruity-Stuff" Drunk. 

Cece puts an arm on his shoulder and goes, "I mean, you're not gonna die  _alone_. You might have to  _settle_ , but you won't be alone."

Winston guzzles another glass, and Nick just watches because this is his seventh and he's definitely going to die. "Cece, you have a Valentine. I have a backpack filled with condoms and puzzles and -- Oh, crap, I forgot my coloring book at home. Great. Now what'll I do at the party? Dance? Talk to beautiful single women?"

"Well, that might be a start," Cece says, and then she cuts him off at Glass Eight and drags him to the booth in the corner she and Schmidt have been sitting at all afternoon.

"Cecelia," Schmidt says when she and Winston sit down. "You still have to open your gift."

"Babe, can't that wait?", she asks, and she gestures to a groaning Winston. "He's losing it," she whispers. 

"It's fine, it's fine," Winston grumbles, waving a hand at Schmidt. "Watching you guys be grossly cute isn't making me miserable at all."

"Yes it is, Winston," Schmidt says, and Winston gets in his face and is like, "DUH, MAN! I'MA DIE ALONE!", and Schmidt yells back, "IF YOU KEEP YELLING AT ME, YES, YES YOU ARE, WINSTON!"

"Anyway..."

"Right." Schmidt claps his hands together, and then he takes this envelope out from the pocket of his suit jacket and hands it right to Cece. "You can open it," he says when she doesn't. "Otherwise this whole thing is just very anti-climatic."

So she does. She tears the envelope open and pulls out two pieces of paper and looks confused for five seconds until she yells, "Schmidt! No way!"

"Ugh, what'd he do now?", asks a still-clearly-drunk Winston, and then he shakes his head at Schmidt and goes, "Shame, shame, my man."

Cece looks right at Schmidt with wide eyes and says, "This is where we talked about having our honeymoon. The honeymoon we one-thousand percent could not afford. Remember?", and then she waves the plane tickets at his face as if he didn't know they were there.

Schmidt snickers. "I remember. Now give them back to me because you'll lose them, and then we'll have to honeymoon in the forest or something, and I'm deathly afraid of pop-up tents."

Cece's holding back tears, and then she leans across the booth and takes his face in her hands and smooches him and goes, "Sorry for this, Winston."

Winston wrinkles his nose. "Got room for one more? I'll stay in the tub and cover my eyes when y'all do it, I don't care!"

—

"Hey Jessica," Nick says, and then he slides her an Old Fashioned after making one for himself. On-Duty Drinking? So what. 

"Nicholas," she mumbles, the glass already at her mouth. "Why are you so chipper? It's Valentine's Day and you're  _you_. You're supposed to be like... stomping on a box of candy hearts or something. Go do that."

Nick pretends not to know what she's talking about. "Why would you say that? I love love. And happiness. And candy hearts. Especially the ones with sexual messages on them. And hey, why is Winston kissing his own hand?"

Jess rolls her eyes and looks back at the booth Cece and Schmidt are currently making out in, and then she says, " _That_ might explain it."

Nick looks at her for a second and rubs his lips together. "Jess, just because you're alone doesn't mean you're  _alone_ ," he says.

"Ha. Okay, Nick. Go away."

"And do what? Watch Cece and Schmidt eat each other's faces off? Watch Winston cry?"

Jess takes a long sip of her drink and bites the inside of her cheek. "Do you really think Nadia's party is going to have a stripper pole?"

—

VALENTINE'S DAY, 5:35 PM, NADIA'S PARTY WITH AN ACTUAL STRIPPER POLE

Nadia uses the stripper pole in a way no one's ever seen a stripper pole be used before, and then she claps her hands together and goes, "Baby sleep now! We quiet, and we not dance on pole anymore."

Right. She's a mother. With a baby. Who just performed a nice... routine on an actual stripper pole in the middle of her and Cece's living room. 

Jess is posted up in the corner with Winston and what she thinks is her third margarita. "This is lame," she says, tipsily lifting the glass to her mouth. "Where's your coloring book?"

"I forgot it!," he says angrily, shaking his head. "Would you believe?"

Nick joins them, and he grabs at Jess's margarita out of her hands before she can tell him to back off. 

"Come on, are you two really going to sit in the corner of the room for the entire night?", he asks.

"The entire night? No. We're leaving at six-thirty. No. I'm sorry. Six. And I'm going to bed right after we leave Paul's."

"Jess." Nick shakes his head and tugs at her wrist until she's forced to stand up with him. "Do you think Paul's party is  _really_ going to be any more fun than this one?"

Winston stands up too. "Paul has more single lady friends. Nadia just knows models. Thirteen of them. Twelve rejected me flat out, and the last one said yes until I got closer. Then she said, "Oh, wait, you're not the real LeBron.", and now I want to die. Just  _die_."

—

VALENTINE'S DAY, 6:24 PM, PAUL GENZLINGER'S LONELY HEARTS PARTY

Nick drives them there because he's the only sober one. (What?)

Everyone hops out of the car and races into Paul's and a drunk Schmidt yells, "Techno music?! P. Genz does it again!"

Jess wobbles out of the car behind Cece and Winston, and then she tugs at both of their wrists. "I should be knitting right now."

"Worst comes to worst, just slide into Paul's bed," Cece suggests. "He didn't mind last time."

She's talking about the time Jess stupidly, drunkenly,  _accidentally_ called Paul up like... four years ago and ended up sleeping with him despite the fact that he'd been pretty serious about marrying Asian-Jess. 

"Shut up, Cece. You're going to  _Dubai_."

Cece smirks and apologizes for talking about her Valentine's Day present for the last four hours, and then she pulls Jess inside.

This dude Jess has definitely seen before starts dancing up on her, and she's too twirly to say 'no', so she lets it happen for a few minutes, and then -- "Wait, aren't you one of the janitors at my school?"

"Maybe," he says, and then he turns her around to face him, both of his hands on her wrists. "I can deep clean  _anything_ , baby."

Thank God Schmidt is walking by, because Jess lunges out at him and goes, "Oh my God, I just forgot my husband was at this party, bye!", and then the janitor rolls his eyes and moves onto a girl a few feet ahead of Jess.

"This party sucks. Where's Nick? I want to leave, but we're all  _wasted_."

Schmidt tries to convince her that he's not. "Fine. But Cece and Winston are --"

Jess points to Winston, who's twerking up against a wall, and then she spots Cece who's next to him clapping her hands together. "Do it like Miley!", she chants.

" _Wasted_ ," Schmidt says. "Fine. Let's split up and find Nick and bounce. The next party has crafts!"

"Really?!", Jess asks, her eyes wide. 

"I don't know, I'm drunk, let's get Nick and get the hell out of here."

—

VALENTINE'S DAY, 7:06 PM, STILL PAUL GENZLINGER'S LONELY HEARTS PARTY

Jess grabs her ringing phone out of the pocket of her coat and yells, "HELLO?!" into it super loudly, because a P. Genz party ain't a P. Genz party without Stupidly Deafening Techno Music.

"Jess, hey, are you still at Paul's?"

"Nick? What the -- Obviously. I'm drunk!"

"Is everybody else?", he asks, and Jess is just like, "Five minutes ago, Schmidt did a full-on ballet routine in Paul's living room. What do you think?"

"Okay, stay there, stay there," he says.

"Where else would I go? Back to Nadia's? Nick, where the hell _are you_?"

"I had to run back to the loft," he says all casually, like it's completely cool that he left his four drunken friends at a party. "I'll be back soon."

"Are you --  _Nick_. Get me out of here! I can only watch Winston twerk so many times."

"Winston's  _twerking_? Why did I miss that?"

"Because you decided to ditch us? Nick, if you're not back in ten minutes, you won't live to see next Valentine's Day, I swear."

He just laughs into the phone and says, "You'll take that back later", and then he hangs up.

—

VALENTINE'S DAY, 7:31 PM, THE EXTERIOR OF PAUL GENZLINGER'S LONELY HEARTS PARTY

"Schmidt, did you just pee on Paul's front lawn?", Jess asks, creeping up behind him just as he's pulling his zipper up. Cece's hunched over in the bushes, and Jess doesn't even want to know what that mess is about. Or this one. Yeah. "What was wrong with the bathroom?"

"Winston's in there making it with the DJ," Schmidt says quickly. "Is she still throwing up in the bushes?"

Jess looks at Cece and wrinkles her nose. "I'd actually rather not know," she says. "And wait, the DJ? She had a face tattoo and a piercing on her hand. On  _her hand_ , Schmidt. What's that about?"

"It's like... the style now. Keep up, J. Did you get in touch with Nick and can he  _please_  go home and bring me a change of clothes? Preferably one of my cashmere sweaters."

" _Nick_ ," she says bitterly, "is already home, because he's a moron."

"Nick is right here!", Nick says, right on cue, stepping out of his car and running over to his friends. He's out of breath by the time he reaches them, because, well, he's  _Nick_. "What's up, gang? Is she puking in Paul's bushes?"

Schmidt looks over at Cece and nods. "Twerking for an hour straight will do that to you." He walks a little closer to Nick and starts pounding fists into his chest. "You left us, you piece of crap! Don't ever do that again!"

"I was... I had... plans." Liar. His forehead is sweating, and Jess and Schmidt are both  _wasted_ , but they're also not stupid, so they call him out on it. "I'm not lying! I had something to do! Now just... Get everyone and let's go."

—

VALENTINE'S DAY, 8:07 PM, THE EXTERIOR OF SADIE AND MELISSA'S LESBIAN VALENTINE'S DAY COOKIE DECORATING PARTY

Everyone but Nick gets out of the car, and Schmidt turns around and rolls his eyes. "Are you seriously not coming inside? I wanted to make matching cookies, Nick, and you just killed my dream."

Cece and Winston grab Schmidt and tug him forward despite his protests, and Jess goes to walk behind them until -- "Hey, wait," Nick calls out, and Jess turns around and points at herself. "Yes, you, Jess, come here."

She walks up to the window on the driver's side and stands on the toes of her flats. "Come on, Nick. At  _least_ let me decorate a stupid love-themed cookie."

"Okay, yeah, no, but you -- Jess, do you remember the plan I was talking about this morning at breakfast?"

"The one before you went, "Happy Valentine's Day, my beautiful friends!" in a voice that made me want to murder you?", she asks, her eyes narrowed. "Yeah, I might recall."

"Jess, get in the car."

She looks back at Sadie and Melissa's house and remembers her three drunken friends are inside decorating cookies. "What about... I don't know...  _our friends_? Schmidt'll get scared if we leave."

"I'll FaceTime him later to let him know I'm thinking about him, just -- Jess, please get in the car."

It takes her a minute, but then she tugs at the collar of her coat and says, "Fine, but if this is a kidnapping, I'll be super mad at you."

Nick shakes his head and laughs, twisting the keys in the ignition as Jess climbs in. "No you won't."

—

VALENTINE'S DAY, 8:31 PM, SADIE AND MELISSA'S LESBIAN VALENTINE'S DAY COOKIE DECORATING PARTY

"You're a cop? So you like...  _save lives_?"

This girl is  _wasted_ , but she also just decorated a cookie that was supposed to be romantic as one of the Kardashians instead, so Winston might be in love.

"You could say that, baby," he says as smoothly as he can, pressed up against one of Sadie and Melissa's decorating tables. "That and then som -- AH. SON OF A BITCH! I DIDN'T MEAN TO KNOCK OVER A DAMN TRAY OF COOKIES, BUT THEY WERE IN THE WAY. THIS IS GREAT. CECE, SCHMIDT,  _PLEASE_ , HELP ME REDEEM MYSELF IN FRONT OF THIS HOT GIRL. THANKS, FRIENDS!"

Cece and Schmidt ditched the cookie decorating at 8:09 PM because the guest bathroom was empty and they've got a  _huge_ tub. 

"NICK. JESS. ANYONE? Y'ALL  _SUCK_."

—

VALENTINE'S DAY, 8:43 PM, THE ROOF

"You blindfolded me with what I think is a dirty gym sock, Nick," she says, --  _gags_. "Where are we?"

He apologizes for the dirty gym sock. "It was the only thing I could find in the back of my car, and it's not a dirty gym sock, it's just a  _sock_. I don't go to the  _gym_."

He pulls the sock off of Jess's eyes at 8:45, and then he says, "Ta-da!" like she doesn't know what the roof is. 

"What's -- I don't --" She pauses and he spins her around so she's facing the table by the door. There's a little tray with a mimosa, a piece of pie, and a box of candy hearts on it.

"I took all of the non-sexual ones out," he says. "There's one that literally says 'GR8 ASS'. I hope you like 'em."

Jess laughs and slowly takes a seat at the table. "For me, though? Why?"

"I don't know, Jess, I guess because I hate that you hate Valentine's Day, but I also hate that it's probably my fault."

"Why would it be your fault?", she asks, shaking her head and picking up the plate with the pie on it. "You want some?"

"All yours," he says, wrinkling his nose. He takes a seat across from her, and it's the first time they've been alone like this in... Well...

"It's not your fault. I've hated Valentine's Day since I was twelve. Eduardo tried to give me a Valentine, but I thought it was for Cece because boys usually laughed at me and called me, 'That One', and... Yeah. It's kind of stupid, but, it's a stupid holiday."

"I kind of hate it too, but I don't know, I guess I wanted to do this for you."

Jess bites into her pie -- Which, impressive, B-T-W. "You could've spent tonight with anyone else," she says, and he laughs. "No, I'm serious! You've been... I don't know... awesome. You like running the bar, and you talk about kids sometimes, and -- I don't know. It's kind of nice."

"Jess, I have to tell you something, and you might not understand it, but I have to say it anyway."

"Shoot, Miller," she says, mouth-full of pie.

"Jessica, I think you're my Maria."


End file.
